"Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth. –Unknown"
This is one of my favorite quotes. It reminds me of a very important goal that I personally strive to achieve. The goal of life affirming living is also one that I guide my clients in achieving as well. Living in a life-affirming way is living whereby you are making choices that allow you to live fully and authentically, not based on fear. Think about the decisions that you make: are they truly positive and life-affirming, or are they created out of fear—fear of being hurt, fear of death, fear of pain, fear of the unknown, etc. When you start to think about the choices you make, you will find that you make many decisions out of fear, which keeps you from living fully and freely. Living in a life-affirming way is the difference between thriving and merely surviving. How can we possibly be happy and content, if we are making decisions based on fear? Fear prevents us from taking chances, living and loving fully and pursuing our passions.
Think about your daily experiences: you work, your lifestyle, your activities and hobbies. Are these things fulfilling? For example, if you know that you hate your job, identify the fears that are preventing you from making a change. Challenge them. Where did these fears come from? The key to living authentically is filtering out those other voices, the voices of fear, and finding your authentic voice. Even in our relationships, we are afraid of rejection, getting hurt, and abandonment, and this prevents us from taking emotional risks. These wounds motivate us to make choices based on self-protection or survival. It is important to remember that you own your feelings and no one can make you feel a certain way. Your wounds cloud your reality, and you make choices that do not allow you to thrive. It is beautiful to love as if you have never been hurt, because loving fully is living fully in the now, not in the past or future. So, what changes can you make today to live in a more life-affirming way?
Monday, March 22, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
My discovery of inner peace
I can remember the first time I had a glimpse of inner peace. I was running along the lakefront, as I do just about every morning. For several weeks, I had been contemplating the circumstances of my life. This day, in the middle of my run, something inside of me told me to stop and pause and look out at the water. At that moment, I found myself totally submerged in the beauty of the scenery. The water was such a deep shade of blue and the sky was so crisp and azure. As I lost myself in the beautiful scene, this feeling came over me—a feeling I had not quite felt before. I was happy; not an ecstatic kind of happy, but a peaceful kind of happy. Then I thought to myself, how can I be happy if nothing really happened to me? My life was still the same. I was broke, single and struggling to finish my dissertation, but despite all that, for just that moment, I found authentic happiness.
But it was better than happiness, I had found inner peace. For that one beautiful point in time, I was truly in the moment and the moment was perfect because I had accepted it for what it truly was. In that moment, I was not thinking of all the things that were wrong because, in essence, at that moment, those things did not exist. I felt that although everything is not where I would like it to be and I could accept it. I finally accepted my life exactly the way that it was and dropped the pain that stemmed from judging about how things weren’t at that point. I felt that the place that I belonged was right here and right now. I trusted that everything was going to be okay and that this place that I was in right at that very moment was part of my journey. Right then and there, in the middle of the bike path along Lake Shore Drive, I finally got it.
It was not the pursuit of happiness that I needed, which I had deluded myself to believe. I needed to feel peaceful. I needed to calm all those feelings inside of me that were driving me crazy. I needed to trust that I would be fine even in the midst of the mess that was my life. All I had to do was decide to let go of it; let go of what I thought my life should be, let go of trying to change things and let go of the pain. It was so simple, but yet so profound. I realized that inner peace is something that I had been searching for my whole life and I never quite knew it until one chilly Chicago morning. I knew I never wanted to release. Now don’t get me wrong, there was a long journey that transpired before this epiphany, but this, this was the pivotal moment. It was at that moment that everything came to together and I realized just how simple inner peace can be.
One lesson that I learned that has been so valuable is letting go of my expectations and desires. Our suffering is primarily created by our desires and expectations. Think about your current situation. List all the reasons that you are not feeling at peace. When you examine this list, most, if not all of the items on the list involve desires or expectations. We have expectations of how things “should be.” We have a picture of how our life should be, how our family should be, how others should treat us, how much money we should be making, what job we should have, etc. These expectations are what create our suffering because, frequently, our present does not resemble what we think it should. We become victims of the images we create and the thoughts that we have about how things should be, which creates un-peacefulness.
Inner peace is achieved when we lose our attachment to our desires and can see the reality in our current situation without judgment. You can find peace and appreciate what is instead of lamenting what is not. Letting go of expectations and desires can be quite profound, leading you to feel at peace with your present. It is important to keep in mind that you and your life are exactly how they are supposed to be at the present time. This may be a difficult idea to grasp during a time of adversity, however, it is important to keep in mind that there is a reason the universe has created the situation you are in right now. And instead of judging it, realize that at some time you will understand the lesson that is to be learned.
A thought to keep in mind, and something of which I continually remind myself, is, “My life is (or I am) perfect, with all of its (my) imperfections. I have exactly everything I need right now. My life is exactly how it needs to be at the present.” Once we let go of our expectations and desires, we can accept our present. This does not mean that we don’t do anything about our current situation. It means that we do what we can at the present time without feeling a negative emotion. Even during the most trying times, it is important to accept the present for what and how it is without judgment.
My wish for you is that you embark on your own unique journey of discovering inner peace and experience a breakthrough of radical acceptance that will change your life.
But it was better than happiness, I had found inner peace. For that one beautiful point in time, I was truly in the moment and the moment was perfect because I had accepted it for what it truly was. In that moment, I was not thinking of all the things that were wrong because, in essence, at that moment, those things did not exist. I felt that although everything is not where I would like it to be and I could accept it. I finally accepted my life exactly the way that it was and dropped the pain that stemmed from judging about how things weren’t at that point. I felt that the place that I belonged was right here and right now. I trusted that everything was going to be okay and that this place that I was in right at that very moment was part of my journey. Right then and there, in the middle of the bike path along Lake Shore Drive, I finally got it.
It was not the pursuit of happiness that I needed, which I had deluded myself to believe. I needed to feel peaceful. I needed to calm all those feelings inside of me that were driving me crazy. I needed to trust that I would be fine even in the midst of the mess that was my life. All I had to do was decide to let go of it; let go of what I thought my life should be, let go of trying to change things and let go of the pain. It was so simple, but yet so profound. I realized that inner peace is something that I had been searching for my whole life and I never quite knew it until one chilly Chicago morning. I knew I never wanted to release. Now don’t get me wrong, there was a long journey that transpired before this epiphany, but this, this was the pivotal moment. It was at that moment that everything came to together and I realized just how simple inner peace can be.
One lesson that I learned that has been so valuable is letting go of my expectations and desires. Our suffering is primarily created by our desires and expectations. Think about your current situation. List all the reasons that you are not feeling at peace. When you examine this list, most, if not all of the items on the list involve desires or expectations. We have expectations of how things “should be.” We have a picture of how our life should be, how our family should be, how others should treat us, how much money we should be making, what job we should have, etc. These expectations are what create our suffering because, frequently, our present does not resemble what we think it should. We become victims of the images we create and the thoughts that we have about how things should be, which creates un-peacefulness.
Inner peace is achieved when we lose our attachment to our desires and can see the reality in our current situation without judgment. You can find peace and appreciate what is instead of lamenting what is not. Letting go of expectations and desires can be quite profound, leading you to feel at peace with your present. It is important to keep in mind that you and your life are exactly how they are supposed to be at the present time. This may be a difficult idea to grasp during a time of adversity, however, it is important to keep in mind that there is a reason the universe has created the situation you are in right now. And instead of judging it, realize that at some time you will understand the lesson that is to be learned.
A thought to keep in mind, and something of which I continually remind myself, is, “My life is (or I am) perfect, with all of its (my) imperfections. I have exactly everything I need right now. My life is exactly how it needs to be at the present.” Once we let go of our expectations and desires, we can accept our present. This does not mean that we don’t do anything about our current situation. It means that we do what we can at the present time without feeling a negative emotion. Even during the most trying times, it is important to accept the present for what and how it is without judgment.
My wish for you is that you embark on your own unique journey of discovering inner peace and experience a breakthrough of radical acceptance that will change your life.
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