Finding peace In the midst of adversity

It can be very difficult to find a place of peace when faced with adversity. We all know that approaching situations in a stressed and irrational way is not productive, not to mention how damaging stress is to our mind, body and spirit. We also understand that remaining centered and calm is critical during stressful times, but how do we remain peaceful even when things around us may be in utter chaos?
The first step in feeling at peace during stressful times is to approach the situation with a sense of empowerment. One can achieve this by first understanding that although we do not always consciously choose the circumstances that we find ourselves in, we have a choice in how we feel about them.

Stress is something that most of us believe is a normal part of life, especially when things go awry. We believe that we are victims to what happens to us, which is not very empowering. Most of us are probably feeling stressed on a daily basis and we usually do not even know why. No one, until now, has ever taught you that we have a choice in the matter. We usually forget that it is not the situation that is stressful, but the stress is in how we are perceiving it and then react to it. Events that occur in our lives are not stressful, but it is the meaning we attach to these events that causes distress. Because we can change our beliefs, we can change how we react to situations, which means that we can choose not be stressed. We need to take ownership over our thoughts and feelings, which is part of the process of empowerment. When we understand this, stress is not inevitable and we can choose to no longer victims of our circumstances. If stress is a choice, we can choose to remain peaceful and calm during even the most trying times because we are in charge!

However, often times, our emotional response is automatic, but we do have a moment to stop and pause and assess how we think and feel about the situation. Through practice, you can become aware of how you react to stress and learn how to slow down this emotional process. Next time you are encountered by a stressor, no matter how large it may seem, it is important to pause and ask yourself, “Why am I feeling stressed? What about this situation is making me feel stressed (or any other negative emotion)?” You may also want to ask yourself, “Is approaching this situation by feeling stressed productive?” The answer is almost always no. You may need to remind yourself, that there are other ways of handling the situation without feeling stressed.

Let’s look at some common thought processes that can occur that creates feelings of stress. If you lost your job, you can believe that this is horrible thing. You become stressed because you don’t want to accept your situation as it is. It is your expectations and desires, such as believing that you should have a job or that it is unfair to be laid off, that is creating stress. However, to feel empowered during this time, it is important to accept the present, which is what I call "radical acceptance." This means finding total acceptance for what is in the present moment. This does not mean that you do not try to change your circumstance, such as looking for another job, but it means that you can find peace within your present circumstances and begin making changes without the feeling of distress.

Next time, you are faced with a situation that causes you to feel stressed, whether it is anger, sadness, anxiety, etc. Pause. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are in control of this feeling and feeling stressed in not productive. Identify the thought that preceded the emotion. Once you start seeing the origins of stress provoking thoughts, you can start to realize that they are no longer accurate or productive and you can challenge and change this way of thinking. When adversity strikes, it is important to be centered and patient. The questions to ask yourself are “Am I going to allow external circumstances to have this power over my life? Am I going to allow this situation to compromise my well being? Am I going to lose sleep over this?” We can stop and think, "I have control here. I am not going to allow external factors dictate how I run my life."

Oftentimes, we learn our most valuable lessons in the face of adversity and instead of fighting it, you can learn to be still and wait for the lesson that is to be learned. Centering brings strength to reach within instead of getting caught up in what is happening outside. Training yourself to slow down is quite helpful in taking control over yourself and your life. When you learn to slow down, you take control of yourself, instead of letting external factors dictating how you should lead your life.

Ideally, once you have figured that stress is a choice, you can actually begin to live stress free. The next time something happens that triggers a stress provoking thought, you can decide if you are going to feel stressed or not. You will be surprised at how powerful you are going to feel!

Written by Christina Samycia, PsyD, psychologist, life coach, author and speaker. She seeks to inspire and challenge individuals on their path of personal growth through her work. She is an enthusiastic speaker and author of Discovering Inner Peace. She can be reached at (312) 285-5287, christinasamycia@aol.com, or www.inspirationalliving.org.