Protocol to self-empowerment

Nobody can hurt me without my permission. –Ghandi

Why is it that we believe others or external circumstances can hurt us? It is important to keep in mind that it is the thoughts we have regarding others that trigger emotions in us. It is our emotion that hurts us, not necessarily other people or external circumstances. What happens is, the dynamic that occurs in a relationship or how perceived situations trigger an emotional scar, which is why we take what others do to us so personally. It is important to take ownership
over our thoughts and feelings. Often times, these emotions, such as hurt, appear to happen so automatically, we do not realize that we have that second to make a choice and decide not to be hurt. Until now, no one taught us that we had a choice. However, once we have awareness of our thoughts and feelings, it is important to remember that no one can make us feel something that we do not choose to feel. This happens with conscious living. With it, we learn to stop and pause before the emotion occurs. If we feel hurt by someone, this hurt is not truly what is happening now, but it is merely the trigger for the hurt that has always been there. When we feel hurt by someone else, or by something that happened, we need to look inward to understand why that creates pain for us.

In relationships we often use past paradigms, thinking that we can predict what will happen in relationships. If we have been betrayed in the past, we will convince ourselves that the person we are presently in a relationship with will betray us. Because we are so afraid of the pain, we can often avoid or even sabotage relationships. We sometimes do not take advantage of present opportunities, because we are clouded by our predetermined thoughts and judgments. By doing this, we prevent ourselves from truly enjoying the relationship and getting close. If we enter into a relationship, we can also misconstrue others’ actions and words to justify our beliefs.

So, as you reflect upon the situations that currently cause you feelings of distress, here is a protocol you can use:
1. When you feel distressed: Pause. Take a deep breathe. Sit still.
2. Become very clear of your thoughts and your feelings.
3. Validate these feelings.
4. Feel them fully without acting on them.
5. Try to determine where these thoughts and feelings come from.
6. Can you challenge the thoughts and beliefs you have about this situation?
7. What is the negative result of your distress? Is this something that is not serving you in a positive way?
8. Can you let it go?
9. If not, why not? Continue exploring why you are holding on to this feeling?
10. If yes, what did you learn about yourself through this experience? Feel the release of the negative energy.